here comes 2009

Hey everybody I have not posted a blog in 3 months sorry. Lots has happened I spend my thanksgiving in new york with my oldest sister and her family. My three nieces are doing awesome you may know the twins my niece Rebecca O'donahue was on America Idol and both the twins have been in Twins Fear Factor, Rescue Me, and just recently "Now I pronounce you Chuck and Larry" with Adam Sandler. Look for there new film "Mardi Gras" coming out this fall. It was a nice thanksgiving had some drinks and my brother-in-law grilled the turkey outside (guess it is a new york thing). It was funny he puts on his best thanksgiving sweater and goes to work. Well the sweater was just washed and dried so when he leaned in to light the BBQ he lit himself on fire. You ever been at a party and just for fun you light a person's sock on fire and all the lint balls burn off? Imagine if that was a sweater and that is what he did. I looked out the window and saw him rolling in the yard and asked my sister if that was a thanksgiving tradition.

On the way home from that trip I got some bad news my dad was in the hospital with heart failure cause by pneumonia he was in the hospital for 7 days but he pulled through man that old Greek is strong "they hit'em with five shots and he's still alive!" for you godfather fans out there. Spent December with My dad, family and my girlfriend Anita. I had an awesome Christmas and New Years. I got a GPS for Christmas I will never look at a map again the best part is looking stuff up when your in a new town you know how long I would spend looking in the yellow pages for porn now it finds it for me so great what a time saver.

Me and Anita are still doing great I love her so much she is such an incredible person so caring and thoughtful oh and a knock out I am a very lucky man. She makes me laugh so hard she is so goofy like me we are a great fit. I had a show in a small town where I was headlining and she was there watching the show and she said something as we walked back to our room that made me think "it is kinda weird being with the comic" I said how so? she said "well most of my life people were with me like hey your with Anita that is awesome and at the show I'm with you does that make sense?" course at this point I am 4 jager bombs and nine beers in so I had no idea what she was saying but I agreed cause I wanted to see her naked but I get it now. We have talked about it since and I understand what she is saying because she is so great people always wanna be around her because she is out going and beautiful she really does light the room however that all takes a back seat when Papa Poolos rocks a comedy show just kidding. Stand up comedy is interesting though because like being in a band, stand up comedy is a very immediate cause and effect you do the show seconds later people can fawn over you and then a day later your yesterday's news. But it must be weird for people to date or marry a comic because even with acting in a show or a movie people can say hey great job playing that part in the movie but in stand up comedy and I think only in stand up is your show all about you, your points of view, your life and then people can respond to what you did so quickly. So for a couple hours in oconomawac, wi your a celebrity. I realize full well that most of the time I am with Anita however for those 2 hours when I am on stage rocking it and after the show I am shaking hands and selling shirts and being treated like a cured cancer ....................
..........she is with the comic sorry baby :p.

until next time people chubby!!!

Love and the road

So here we are me and Anita are coming up on our 6 month anniversary crazy how time flies seems like we just met yesterday. When I am home we spent tons of time together I even sleep in a click clack sofa bed which is uncomfortable but I would sleep in it every night if it meant being close to my baby.

But right now it is tough cause I am on a 3 week road tour of Canada and this will be the longest we have been apart since we met. I miss her a lot everyday and I feel so lucky that she completely supports my career and she is dealing with me being gone a lot. This is also the first time in 5 years I have had a serious girl friend and people always say "oh you'll cheat" but I won't. I mean it is not like there are not beautiful women every where but I am not a cheater never have been I think you're either a cheater or you're not. Plus I have a huge guilty conscience (thanks mom) I mean it is huge last night I had a dream a dream that a women wanted my man milk and I turned her down in my dream damn Anita your hot ass is ruining my dreams but in a good way he he.

She is also dealing my family curse really well too. If you don't know my family is cursed with mild bad luck it is called getting "Poolosed" nothing horrible mostly things like we get the bad waiter, lose our keys, car breaks and most time it is ironic stuff like we wanna go to my girl friends favorite restaurant or bar and it is closed for remodeling. Sometimes it is bad last month we went to get a cat and I picked it out seemed like a good choice then I went on the road and it got sick and she had to return it. But I am so glad we found a new baby kitty he is a short hair tabby who we have named Mr. Burgandy after Will Farrel in Anchor Man.

I have two weeks left in Canada and then I head home to my hot lady. She is so amazing people always say sappy stuff like you'll know when it is love. But I have to tell you my friends you will know I can't imagine every not being with Anita, one time I had a dream we broke up and I woke up sick to my stomach and that is when I knew. That and when she showed me her boobies out of sight my man.

I love you Anita thanks again for finding me....

The monsoon, the crack house and the deer.

Last year I took a trip to Vegas with my brother and on the way I was going to do two gigs one in Shelby, wy and one in Colby, wy then it was off to Vegas on the way back I was going to do one gig in Malta, mt then head home on the road for seven days sounds easy enough well here comes the insanity.





Day One: Me and my brother decide to get a jump on our trip we will leave in the middle of the night and hit every casino on the way taking turns sleeping well we are on the road for 6 minutes and cue the hardest most violent rain storm every we keep going it takes 3 hours to make it 90 miles we make it to our first stop and rest for a bit. That was the first 3 hours and it gets way worse.

Day Two: The rain stops and we make some good time stop at deadwood and some other places it is a nice day we pull into Shelby, wy. We find our hotel provided by the comedy venue. I have had to stay at some bad hotels this one looked liked Lewis and Clark banged some prairie hoes in there in 1880. Spiders on the walls some one was murdered in the bathroom the room smelled like big foots dick lets say my brother was not happy he refused to sleep in the room so he slept in the car. At about 3am the police were knocking on his window asking him why he was sleeping in the car if he had a hotel room he just answered it's gross and went back to sleep, around 7am he showered at walmart and by showered I mean washed his balls in the bathroom with baby wipes.



Day three: On the road early after I showered with shoes and socks on and kissed the homeless guy goodbye who was living in the closet. After my show in Colby we decide to drive through the night again bad idea I fell asleep right away and my bro took truckers speed to stay awake when I woke up he so wired if he farted he would have flown out the window. I realized real quick we have a flat tire we get the spare on and the book says only go 50 miles and never exceed 60 miles an hour so here we are going 85 miles an hour and we have gone 100 miles so we are shitting cats looking for a tire place, luckily we find one get it fixed back on the road in 2 hours.





Day four - six: Vegas had a blast!!




Day seven: Do my show in Malta and decide to leave in the middle of the night quick tip never ever drive through Montana in the middle of the night we saw a hundred deer and it freaked us out so my brother and I decide we will flash our lights and honk our horn when we see a deer and that will keep them away we are idiots. So i guess honking the horn means "hey deer come run into my car" cause that is what happened we nailed a 12 point buck at 50 miles an hour and only lost the side mirror no shit we still don't know how we pulled that off. We sat at the next gas station looked over the car and soaked in all that had happened to us we laughed and decided as we climbed back into the car that maybe with all the bad things that had happened in the last seven days maybe we were quite lucky..... just then my brother backed into a light pole and we kept our mouths shut the rest of the way home.

that was all true......chat again soon chubby!!!

Put the real in reality

Hey folks I am back to talk a little about last comic standing because it seems like some people don't know it is fake. By fake I mean that the show is cast and some of the out comes of the votes are fixed. I hate that they portray the show like anybody can be on the show when they can't. The worst part is comics that are extremely funny some times they use out of context clips to make them look like assholes. It is funny to talk to people after the show who say you should go be on that show like it is as easy as just walking into NBC and saying OK I would like to be on last comic standing where are the cameras? FYI some people are really stupid. It would be like someone walking into a hospital saying I love fixing people where do I start. It was kinda real in the first season when Dave Mordal was on and look what happened Dat Phan won. By the way Dat winning was a fix job too. FOX wanted to do a show with Dat so they told NBC if he won they would pay the prize money and tada Dat wins, when we all know Dave Mordal or Ralpie Mae should have.

Funny side story my buddy Jeff was in LA short time after Dat won he was playing Hollywood Improv and he was headlining and right before he was to on stage Chris Rock walks in and asks to go on for 5 mins which meant 40 mins. So Dat says sure go on warm them up for me so Chris killed and after he was done the entire crowd got up and left except for Jeff and his 3 friends and they sat there to force Dat to do 45 mins just to see him sweat and he said it was so sweet cause they were Dave Mordal fans and hated Dat Phan.

But now after that first season the people at NBC have realized that the only way the show can succeed is to put half famous well established comics on which is a great idea just don't pretend it is American idol and anyone can be on the show cause they can't. I mean they can be on the beginning parts where they make you look like a douche bag but who wants that? Funny enough some comics do. They were on the show for only like 18 seconds and got made fun of and they are really excited and put it on their resume.

So to those people that ask me when you gonna be on last comic standing unless I become managed by NBC probably never. Keep supporting live stand up comedy cause it is where comedy really happens where it is raw and uncensored and to tell you the truth there are so many funny talented comics out on the road who will never be on TV because of nothing more than they are never in the right place at the right time. Keep laughing Chubby!!!

My ass hurts.....Thanks Cupid!

Well boys and girls it has happened Mr. P is smitten with a lady caller. I met her in Columbus Ohio of all places and she lives in Minnesota. She is amazing after a string of dating a ton of unavailable women what ever it was divorced, married, single mom, too far away, too many crazy pills, and just plan straight fucking nuts I started to give up. Then here walks in a gorgeous woman with a smile that could light the world to kick my life up a notch as the kids say. Her name is Anita and I find her intoxicating. (I know this blog is not that funny but I am trying to get laid so bare with me) it is just amazing. I think I became so obsessed with finding the right woman I think I became a little egotistical and did not believe that she would find me and guess what it happened.
So here is the story I am in Columbus working at the comedy club there and those of you that say fate is not real get ready to have your mind blown. So she loves Ohio state football she goes to Columbus a ton it is one of her favorite cities, she is there for work with a friend they walk by the comedy club says lets see the show. I go on stage and 3 mins into my set I say I'm from Minnesota (which I never say on stage) she cheers and decides I need to talk to this guy. After the show we chat about Minnesota have a drink there is an instant connection. The city she most loves in the world next to her home town of Warroad, MN she finds me there, it still blows my mind. It has been almost 3 months and we are really happy I even went to Warroad and met her mom and friends and she met my family. We have laughed, cried, kissed, lived, more in the last 3 months then I have with all my past relationships combined and for those that think that I have gone off the deep end suck it cause I am going off the deep end with an amazing woman.

Thanks for finding me Anita.

Ah the tribble run....

Hello again folks happy fourth! I am just back from a tribble run and if you don't know what that means in the comedy biz there is a booker in the west who has been booking gigs for over 15 years it is low money and a shit ton of driving but it always turns out to be fun gigs and you always leave with some great stories. This tour was no different me and a funny comic from Wisconsin Rio decided to do a tribble run 62 hours of driving in 7 days I know were nuts. Our first stop was a crack house casino named winners in winnamucca Nevada and trust me we did not feel like winners. The room smelled like old people and rap. When we showed up in town the teeth doubled. The show was good after the show a pretty girl who had just left her abusive boy friend and broke her back and can't work and only has 7 dollars as she drinks a Jack and Coke $3.50 at the bar wanted a free shirt. I tried to explane that 10 people just paid full price and I could not give her a free shirt she called me an asshole and I said save that 7 bucks and buy some more booze and we left. Bozeman was our next stop good show low numbers and then we were off to great falls a wonderful slice of Alabama and Florida in Montana I have never seen more old people and dudes with shit happens t-shirts on in the same room. The show ended up being great until 2 frat queers decided to try and fight some bikers needless to say frat dudes lost. After the show I ended up chatting with some Federal marshals who were drunk and showed me their guns and I felt a little nervous when they started arguing and one guy grabbed his gun scary. They were reall funny dudes though. Rio however met a couple who grew weed in their basement and I did not see him till the next day. We he showed up the next day he seemed like a unicorn punched his balls never the less we had to hit the road again onto Spokane. We get to the bar in Spokane and they inform us we will be staying a band house which in the biz means "crack house" so we head to the band house from the outside it did not seem that bad then we went inside to find "Carl" seems Carl lives in the band house WHAT!? Not only do we have to check our bed for brown spiders I have to keep one eye open to make sure this guy in Velcro shoes and a David hasselhof t shirt isn't jerking off on me in the middle of the night not gonna happen. We told Carl we were gonna go get him a hooker and we went and stayed at a hotel. The show ended up being OK after they had a DJ and a 18 and up dance party, it was the first time I felt really old staring at these 18 year old girls think man she probably smells like candy.... time to go. It was a good trip bad food, hot temps, and weird people but it is the best time in the world see you next time.....chubby!!

An Appleton a day does not keep the doc away

I just got back home with great memories, a little money and possibly strep throat. The story starts on last Thursday I am working at the Skyline Comedy Club in Appleton, WI with Tommy Thompson from Minneapolis and Mario Digorgio from Austin both really funny guys it was a great show all week. So a group of ladies invite us to a bar named "Mr. Bigs" sounds like fun already, then they said the magic world "free drinks" yeah and I said magic "word" they were drunk. So we went so we could get some good stories and we did. We walk in pandemonium....ah life on the road. So the lady in charge says one free drink apiece so we drank then before I knew it that one turned into 7. Then this big drunk man goes to tap me on the shoulder which meant running full speed into me, apparently it was shot time, I do a yag bomb cause tequila make me throw up. Afterwards he wants to talk about comedy and his friend is so drunk he sounds like Brad Pitt in Snatch so I just walk away while he is in mid sentence he just turned and continued the story to his friends. I get back to my seat to find and older lady lets call her 109 wanting to work over the big man great but sorry don't do zombies. We chat and I said she had a nice tooth and she took this to mean we should get naked so we drink more she gets louder and more grosser then I realize it is time to not talk to her so I walk away. We decide were gonna leave she hugs us all and plants a cadaver kiss on me which I can only compare to the dementors kiss in harry potter and we left. The next morning I wake up with throat herpes thanks lady from Titanic. Friday and Saturday at the club I was sick delusional and not as funny but I pulled through and here I sit at home now a new hot girl friend who is amazing living ten minutes from me and I can't kiss her till I get the results from my strep test awesome thanks again for the throat herpes crypt keeper till next time.....chubby!!!